Could I Have Been A Victim Of Tommy Shelton? Options

[Ralph]

First of all,I want to say how difficult it is to type this.
......

As ne who once attended Ezra and a friend of these victims from Ezra, we do need closure.

Thanks so much for writing. Sometimes thoughts are like fog around us and when we write, that fog is condensed into words that we can see and deal with. Just writing often gives a sense of peace. For a while you may wonder if it was worth it. Let me assure that it certainly was. And I hope that your willingness to write will give others the courage to speak out. There is healing in talking about these things.

I have often noticed that people look at youthful experiences through the eyes of an adult and wonder, why didn't I do this? or why didn't I say that? If any readers feel that way, just look at a youth that was your age, and ask yourself whether he would do any differently than you did at that age.

It wasn't until the last few years that we realized how traumatic such an experience can be for an adolescent.

I just pray that God will put His arms of love around you and give you the peace and the closure that you are seeking.

[Grace]

Thanks so much for writing. Sometimes thoughts are like fog around us and when we write, that fog is condensed into words that we can see and deal with. Just writing often gives a sense of peace. For a while you may wonder if it was worth it. Let me assure that it certainly was. And I hope that your willingness to write will give others the courage to speak out. There is healing in talking about these things.

I have often noticed that people look at youthful experiences through the eyes of an adult and wonder, why didn't I do this? or why didn't I say that? If any readers feel that way, just look at a youth that was your age, and ask yourself whether he would do any differently than you did at that age.

It wasn't until the last few years that we realized how traumatic such an experience can be for an adolescent.

I just pray that God will put His arms of love around you and give you the peace and the closure that you are seeking.

Amen!

[Snoopy]

I can't imagine who told you that you would receive closure by posting on the internet. This site only brings contention and separation. The allegations against 3abn are not true but the people involved will use anything and anyone to bring it down. I am sorry if you were told that posting here will resolve anything. It won't.

I'm sorry, WWJD, but I am angered by your post and fail to see any connection at all between what you said here and what MY Jesus would do. Your tone is very condescending and disrespectful, and implies that PJMusic must be told what to do, unable to make his own choices. How do you know what his post might have resolved for him? You don't!!! Although Jesus does.

I came to BSDA with no preconceived ideas, but your attitude is certainly helping me to lean in a particular direction... Sorry, but I think I may need to go and pray again today for God to help me deal with attitudes like yours...

I'm now officially disgusted.



BTW, thank you, PJMusic for having the courage to share your experience. Please don't ever lose sight of Jesus, and remember, there is a HUGE difference between being religious and being spiritual. God bless you, your family and friends.

[ex3ABNemployee]

I really don't know what to think about all this. Some relief perhaps as I know of victims who have not come forward, many who were my friends. I only hope that something finally gets done so there can be some closure.

I am not religious, and as of now have not intention of being religious, although I have some values. My mind is always in gospel music even though I could never live that lifestyle. But I do hope that the right thing is done. I truly feel that I could have been a victim because there are similarities as to what favors were done for me to gain trust that had also happened to my friends. Tommy is a very convincing individual and knows how to gain trust. As ne who once attended Ezra and a friend of these victims from Ezra, we do need closure.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a first hand account of the damage this has done to someone who wasn't even directly affected. This is more far reaching than any of us realize, I believe.

PJMusic, thank you for your post. Yes, I think you could have (and would have) been a victim. Actually, in a way, you ARE a victim. I believe I know who you are. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk. I'm not interested in religion, either. (See my signature) It took years for me to realize that a relationship with Jesus is not about "do"s and "don't"s. It's about simply trusting in Him and letting Him lead. Don't feel like you can never be right with God because you can't "follow the rules."

I'd love to hear from you. It may take me a while to respond because I'll be on the road a lot this week but I WILL write back.

This post has been edited by ex3ABNemployee: Feb 20 2007, 11:07 AM

[princessdi]

I can't imagine who told you that you would receive closure by posting on the internet.

You lack sufficient evidence or qualifications to make this determiniation.

This site only brings contention and separation.

Yet, I have been gone for 5 days, and you are still here. If you believe this to be the case.....be gone!

The allegations against 3abn are not true but the people involved will use anything and anyone to bring it down.

This letter is not about 3ABN, but about Tommy Shelton, to my knowledge they are not one in the same. If you have no answer, question or comment to make on the allegations, or better yet this specific allegation you should not have posted to this thread. You only allowed the enemy to you use you to discourage. Basically, you post is

I am sorry if you were told that posting here will resolve anything. It won't.

Once again.......be gone!

[Aunt B]

Thank you for coming forward and speaking out PJM, and to BSDA.

While there are a few here who are critical, there are many more who will be supportive and stand beside you. I'm sure that the friends you have mentioned (who have come forward as victims of TS) appreciate your support as well.

God bless you, and I pray that you see Jesus here, in at least some of us.

Aunt B

[Noahswife]

Does anyone else find it chilling that not only was a pastor involved and abusing his position of trust but that he used a biblical story to gain confidence and achieve his goals?

If find this even more upsetting if that is possible.

nw

I add my heartfelt support and prayers to all the others, PJM.

This post has been edited by Noahswife: Feb 20 2007, 11:36 AM

[Seraphim7]

First of all,I want to say how difficult it is to type this.

I am not religious, and as of now have not intention of being religious, although I have some values. My mind is always in gospel music even though I could never live that lifestyle. But I do hope that the right thing is done. I truly feel that I could have been a victim because there are similarities as to what favors were done for me to gain trust that had also happened to my friends. Tommy is a very convincing individual and knows how to gain trust. As ne who once attended Ezra and a friend of these victims from Ezra, we do need closure.

Bless you PJMusic and

It is truly unfortunate that so many lives have been tragically altered by the behavior of a few, in comparison. We can only pray that the Lord will give you and the many other victims strength and peace.

The fact that you had personal contact with the one who victimized others, the fact that you were placed in a position to be alone with this person and made to feel uncomfortable, the fact that all your lives, your families, and your friends, were altered by the events of your childhood makes it clear that you are also a victims.

Please consider however that we can thank the Lord Jesus that none of you have to stay victims. We praise the Lord Jesus, with and for you, that He has given you the strength and courage to speak up. Also please know that religion is not what God wants us to experience. It is "relationship" that He desires, for and with us. You, and all of the other brave souls who have spoken up, are closer to the Lord then any who has never known what it is like to be a victim of abuse.

Be Blessed and Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Mrs. Josey aka Sera/Eze 3:18

[PrincessDrRe]

I can't imagine who told you that you would receive closure by posting on the internet. This site only brings contention and separation. The allegations against 3abn are not true but the people involved will use anything and anyone to bring it down. I am sorry if you were told that posting here will resolve anything. It won't.

Because unlike others here, I don't comment on things that I don't know the actual facts or details involved. I do know about many of the false accusations thrown at 3abn because, under the circumstances, I have made it my business to know.

1. The OP may be under the "3ABN" title threads - but is not about 3ABN; this single thread is about Tommy Shelton and questions the OP had in regards to being a victim of Tommy Shelton.

Now.

You cannot tell someone what they feel, their motives for posting, or how/if it will resolve anything or not. This is not why the OP posted. The church (as a whole - SDA's & Others...) does enough condemnation of people. ...and then you - come on the internet - on a website - where someone is posting and actually asking a question - and come out sounding very much like...well.... ignorant. That's the nicest way I could say it on this thread/board. I wanted to say it another way..... but you know what you are when you act this way.

2. The more you speak - the more you actually "help" Tommy, Danny, and the "camp" look worse. It's beyond sad that you could come at someone that is "new" to the board - who is asking questions - like this.

3. Per Jesus and the way we are suppose to act - you....cannot possibly be serious about the way you treat people on this board. You do this as a "fun" act. or...as I said prior.... you are diagnosable. I now lean towards the latter - this one in fact. That you have some.... some mental psychosis that causes you to lash out at other...those of which you are not familiar with. Those that ask for help.

I have run into others like you. Those that actually "take pleasure" in hitting someone when they are down. Those that have no remorse. Those that have a gall-filled soul.

....and this is sad indeed.


This post has been edited by PrincessDrRe: Feb 20 2007, 12:29 PM

[PJMusic]

Thank you all for the support.

I believe part of the reason I am torn between this whole thing also, is because I play piano, and my inspiration at the time I started playing was because of Tommy. He has also given me tips and pointers on how to play. Even my style of playing is similar to his. I learned by watching him play. I guess maybe that is why also I felt that as long as none of this happened to me firsthand, then I was "safe". Even after knowing that all this was happening, I still visited Tommy and his family in 1997. Never did I bring anything like this up, but I had known all this time what had happened. I guess I was the type that wanted to get along with everyone, but deep down I somehow wanted some type of "justice".
Speaking from the heart, I am no Christian, and I as of now it is not my plan to be. Unfortunately I had seen that being associated with such seems to show how scandalous things can be. I am more concerned for the friends I had back in West Frankfort and how they are affected. I am sorry for them and I hope that they are able to work their way through this.
I'm not going to pass judgement on Tommy and give my thoughts on what I feel should be done, but I do hope that justice will be served. My friends were hurt. And there are more victims that I know of that will probably not come forward probably due to embarrassment or maybe just wanting this all to pass without them. I just hope this issue can be pursued.

[PrincessDrRe]

WWJD, if you are not a victim, a parent of a victim, or a professional counselor, how can you decide what will bring closure to someone else?

I also agree.

Even a professional counselor/therapist (which I am) cannot tell someone what closure they will get or what they will feel.

The nerve. The gall.

That is beyond sad....it's actually asinine.....

ASININE per MerriamWebster.Com<<<---Click Here!!!

Main Entry: as·i·nine
Pronunciation: 'a-s&-"nIn
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin asininus, from asinus ass
1 : extremely or utterly foolish <an asinine excuse>
2 : of, relating to, or resembling an ass
synonym see SIMPLE
- as·i·nine·ly adverb
- as·i·nin·i·ty /"a-s&-'ni-n&-tE/ noun

This post has been edited by PrincessDrRe: Feb 20 2007, 12:30 PM

[SoulEspresso]

Thank you all for the support. ...I'm not going to pass judgement on Tommy and give my thoughts on what I feel should be done, but I do hope that justice will be served. My friends were hurt. And there are more victims that I know of that will probably not come forward probably due to embarrassment or maybe just wanting this all to pass without them. I just hope this issue can be pursued.

You could have been a victim, no doubt about it. And since I had a strange experience akin to this back in college, I can say you have some real guts to post this. Thank you--the more people that come forward, the easier it will be for others. Then maybe Danny, Tommy & Co will start coughing up some answers.

This person could stand to cough up some answers:

I can't imagine who told you that you would receive closure by posting on the internet. This site only brings contention and separation. The allegations against 3abn are not true but the people involved will use anything and anyone to bring it down. I am sorry if you were told that posting here will resolve anything. It won't.

Well, wwjd, if you're wondering where the contention is coming from ...

Because unlike others here, I don't comment on things that I don't know the actual facts or details involved. I do know about many of the false accusations thrown at 3abn because, under the circumstances, I have made it my business to know.

What are you doing right in these posts? Could you possibly be commenting on things you know nothing about--like PJMusic's experience? What do you know about that? Were you ever victimized by anyone? How would you know? Oh--maybe you don't?

And if you know so much about what's going on behind the scenes, where's the documentation?

Here we have an eyewitness account of some weird junk going on, elsewhere we have experiences of full-fledged victims, and so far, all we've got from you or anyone else at 3ABN (who are you really?) is dissembling and denial. (And I count the recent additions from Tommy and Carol.)

Put up or shut up, wwjd. Potshots at people who have been hurt is not a good way to make nice with this board you find so contentious.

This post has been edited by SoulEspresso: Feb 20 2007, 11:28 PM

[Ralph]

Thank you all for the support.

I believe part of the reason I am torn between this whole thing also, is because I play piano, and my inspiration at the time I started playing was because of Tommy. He has also given me tips and pointers on how to play. Even my style of playing is similar to his. I learned by watching him play. I guess maybe that is why also I felt that as long as none of this happened to me firsthand, then I was "safe". Even after knowing that all this was happening, I still visited Tommy and his family in 1997. Never did I bring anything like this up, but I had known all this time what had happened. I guess I was the type that wanted to get along with everyone, but deep down I somehow wanted some type of "justice".
Speaking from the heart, I am no Christian, and I as of now it is not my plan to be. Unfortunately I had seen that being associated with such seems to show how scandalous things can be. I am more concerned for the friends I had back in West Frankfort and how they are affected. I am sorry for them and I hope that they are able to work their way through this.
I'm not going to pass judgement on Tommy and give my thoughts on what I feel should be done, but I do hope that justice will be served. My friends were hurt. And there are more victims that I know of that will probably not come forward probably due to embarrassment or maybe just wanting this all to pass without them. I just hope this issue can be pursued.

Your post brought into focus a problem that I had realized, but had never put into words. If I read correctly, you are asking, Is it possible for me to separate the good things that I really appreciate from the bad things that I know about a person -- or must I throw the good out with the bad?

Cognitively, we know the answer, but emotionally, we find it more difficult to make this split, for emotionally we see a person as a whole, and find it difficult to say that one part is very good and one part is very bad.

Could it be that you are also concerned about the fallout from associating with him? Could you be asking, will people who see me play the piano recognize that style, and will they associate me with my teacher in a negative way?

I know that I am on thin ice here, so would appreciate feedback from both PJMusic and from the people who understand psychology far better than I do.

This post has been edited by Ralph: Feb 21 2007, 03:58 PM

[PJMusic]

Your post brought into focus a problem that I had realized, but had never put into words. If I read correctly, you are asking, Is it possible for me to separate the good things that I really appreciate from the bad things that I know about a person -- or must I throw the good out with the bad?

Cognitively, we know the answer, but emotionally, we find it more difficult to make this split, for emotionally we see a person as a whole, and find it difficult to say that one part is very good and one part is very bad.

Could it be that you are also concerned about the fallout from associating with him? Could you be asking, will people who see me play the piano recognize that style, and will they associate me with my teacher in a negative way?

I know that I am on thin ice here, so would appreciate feedback from both PJMusic and from the people who understand psychology far better than I do.

I honestly don't know how to answer this. Perhaps part of what I see is guilt because I carried alot of this in me, and although I have gotten along with Tommy Shelton's family, I feel I had to post because otherwise I'd be hiding something. I feel guilty in a way because of the time spent on me to play piano, the encouragement of playing for the church, etc. Yet all along I knew what had been done to my friends.
It bothered me that Tommy was the pastor of the church I grew up in in my childhood and teenage years, this same church that helped teach me values I have, knowledge of the bible, the path of almost being a preacher or musician. And this church also could have done something then.
The memories I have of singing in the group I was in, being in the school that was part of the church, is all now marred by these things coming out. I know it should have long ago.
Had all this happened to me as a direct victim, I probably would not have said anything, either from embarrassment, or for not being included in further church activities. I was so jealous of the other guys getting to be involved in so much, being allowed to sing. I remember the hurt I felt when the quartet I sang in, sang as a trio instead while I watched from the audience, excluding me. I was just not good enough. I cannot fathom how I can be blessed in a sermon by a person who did evil things.
So parts of me are angry, parts guilty, parts hurt. I turned my back on God when I saw things didn't work out for me the way I hoped. And I believe all this stemmed from this issue in some way. It's not blame, it's just the way I see it. I have kept the bitterness since then. Maybe it was well founded because of how the pastor, leaders and people I was to look up to, did not help when they should have. Sure their hindsight might see how they should have reacted, but as Tommy once told me when I was scolded in school "The damage cannot be undone".
I can no longer believe in the common phrases of "everything happens for a reason", or "God works in mysterious ways", and other little catchphrases that churches use to help try to ease suffering. It angers me that this is the best type of advice that I can ever hear. If I had a choice, I wish I never believed, but unfortunately I have to believe. The church and pastor I was in made sure of that.

This post has been edited by PJMusic: Feb 21 2007, 05:07 PM

[Seraphim7]

PJM,

Bear in mind that the gift you have, regardless of what person may have played a part in your interest it playing, it is a God given gift. PJM, It was God, not Tommy Shelton, who gave you the strength to push on and persevere despite the circumstances.

It was the actions of the Pastor, who was supposed to help teach you to guarding the avenues of your soul, that instilled fear and guilt in you while the Lord helped you to become the person who was able to speak the truth about what you experienced, so others might know that they are not alone. Tommy did not do that for you, God did. In spite of what help he may have given you or what was done to gain your trust, the fact is all good things come from God. God can use people to help others, in spite of themselves.

Seeing that all good things come from God keep this in mind, satan knows the PR game bro. and he is the master of lies. Satan has had thousands of years to perfect his art of manipulation. It is God who is to be acknowledged for the gifts and any other good thing that has come into your life.

Be Blessed

This post has been edited by seraph|m: Feb 21 2007, 11:06 PM