Asi Mediation Fails! Options

[PeacefulBe]

Dear PrincessDrRe:

NO, a THOUSAND TIMES NO!!! I would NOT let Tommy Shelton anywhere near my two beautiful grandchildren, or Danny Shelton either for that matter!! My oldest is a precious boy of four years old who is ver-r-ry cute and is loving and kind and extremely shy and would be a perfect candidate for some sicko like TS. His little sister, one and a half is very pretty, and knows it! But I think Danny might have a harder time because she is very aware, even at this young age, of her personal space. She just might scratch him!!

However, I have a personal experience I would like to share. Because of a family member who was extremely jealous of me and who teased me from the day I was born, I grew up in a constant state of trying to find people who would validate my very existance.

I was accosted by a man who all of you SDA's of many years would know immediately. I was 14 and did housecleaning for his wife one afternoon a week. Because of my early life I 'wore my heart on my sleeve' so to speak and one afternoon, this man reached for my blouse and said at the same time, "You're a warm little sister, aren't you?!" I quickly moved to avoid his hand and finished my work. I don't remember whether I ever went back there again. But my heart was broken because I had held him in such high esteem and I loved him as a man of God. I could listen to him preach no matter how long past 12:00 he talked. He was so warm in the pulpit, but I found out he was 'warm' outside of the pulpit too! This man was well known throughout the world having started a radio ministry which is now a television ministry, although he has been dead now for many years. I never said anything about it until years later when I was having a lot of trouble in my marriage. It also makes me wonder how many other girls he accosted in that manner during his life?

One day I told my sister about the early childhood memories of this family member teasing me and making my life miserable. When I mentioned that he had also raped me when I was nine years old, she exclaimed, "Well, that explains a lot. Now I understand a lot better why you have had such a hard time growing up." (There is much more to my story but suffice it to say will not go into it now.) I am still trying to deal with this family member who is always involved in family get togethers at various times during the years. I have gone the route of trying to 'forgive' him and go on with my life, but there was so much controversy surrounding me that I didn't know what to do with as a hurting teenager. My parents tried to protect me from him, but he would tease me when they were not around. I was so sensitive to their long hours of working hard just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads that I tried to become "perfect." As it is now, I am a frustrated, 65 year old perfectionist who wants everything to look nice, but wants someone else to do it. I struggle with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and the weakness which allows other diseases to grow into very difficult health issues.

My sister tried to talk to this family member, but he denies that he EVER did ANYTHING to me, not to mention rape, or to other family members. His behavior toward me made me an extremely sensitive little child, and she says that while I was a happy little girl when he was not around I would be totally different when he came home from school every afternoon.

I have finally begun to realize that most of his behavior was due to his being a classic case of ADHD which no one had ever heard of in the forties and fifties. He was always in trouble. I could make good grades while he could not even get the information -- which he knew in his head! --down on paper to PROVE that he knew it. He never got anything other than an "F"s during his whole school life. But he is the only one in the family who can make money! So while I understand his behavior from a psychological standpoint, it doesn't help me to know how to change my own thinking patterns today. I'm really screwed up, yanno? I can put up a pretty good front but it doesn't really cut it.

Please pray for me? Thanks!

P.S. Calvin, Princess or Clay, if this belongs somewhere else please move it.

JT

JustTana, yes I will pray for you!!! Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.

PB

[GrammieTana]

JustTana, yes I will pray for you!!! Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.

PB

Thank you PB.

[Richard Sherwin]

JT what you wrote took courage. Thanks. You will be in many prayers.

Richard

Dear PrincessDrRe:

NO, a THOUSAND TIMES NO!!! I would NOT let Tommy Shelton anywhere near my two beautiful grandchildren, or Danny Shelton either for that matter!! My oldest is a precious boy of four years old who is ver-r-ry cute and is loving and kind and extremely shy and would be a perfect candidate for some sicko like TS. His little sister, one and a half is very pretty, and knows it! But I think Danny might have a harder time because she is very aware, even at this young age, of her personal space. She just might scratch him!!

However, I have a personal experience I would like to share. Because of a family member who was extremely jealous of me and who teased me from the day I was born, I grew up in a constant state of trying to find people who would validate my very existance.

I was accosted by a man who all of you SDA's of many years would know immediately. I was 14 and did housecleaning for his wife one afternoon a week. Because of my early life I 'wore my heart on my sleeve' so to speak and one afternoon, this man reached for my blouse and said at the same time, "You're a warm little sister, aren't you?!" I quickly moved to avoid his hand and finished my work. I don't remember whether I ever went back there again. But my heart was broken because I had held him in such high esteem and I loved him as a man of God. I could listen to him preach no matter how long past 12:00 he talked. He was so warm in the pulpit, but I found out he was 'warm' outside of the pulpit too! This man was well known throughout the world having started a radio ministry which is now a television ministry, although he has been dead now for many years. I never said anything about it until years later when I was having a lot of trouble in my marriage. It also makes me wonder how many other girls he accosted in that manner during his life?

One day I told my sister about the early childhood memories of this family member teasing me and making my life miserable. When I mentioned that he had also raped me when I was nine years old, she exclaimed, "Well, that explains a lot. Now I understand a lot better why you have had such a hard time growing up." (There is much more to my story but suffice it to say will not go into it now.) I am still trying to deal with this family member who is always involved in family get togethers at various times during the years. I have gone the route of trying to 'forgive' him and go on with my life, but there was so much controversy surrounding me that I didn't know what to do with as a hurting teenager. My parents tried to protect me from him, but he would tease me when they were not around. I was so sensitive to their long hours of working hard just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads that I tried to become "perfect." As it is now, I am a frustrated, 65 year old perfectionist who wants everything to look nice, but wants someone else to do it. I struggle with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and the weakness which allows other diseases to grow into very difficult health issues.

My sister tried to talk to this family member, but he denies that he EVER did ANYTHING to me, not to mention rape, or to other family members. His behavior toward me made me an extremely sensitive little child, and she says that while I was a happy little girl when he was not around I would be totally different when he came home from school every afternoon.

I have finally begun to realize that most of his behavior was due to his being a classic case of ADHD which no one had ever heard of in the forties and fifties. He was always in trouble. I could make good grades while he could not even get the information -- which he knew in his head! --down on paper to PROVE that he knew it. He never got anything other than an "F"s during his whole school life. But he is the only one in the family who can make money! So while I understand his behavior from a psychological standpoint, it doesn't help me to know how to change my own thinking patterns today. I'm really screwed up, yanno? I can put up a pretty good front but it doesn't really cut it.

Please pray for me? Thanks!

P.S. Calvin, Princess or Clay, if this belongs somewhere else please move it.

JT

[husbandoftheyear]

JustTana,
I can't say how sorry and disgusted I am that you have been abused in such a way. And from a person in "authority", it makes it even worse. Please know that there was nothing you did to provoke such an action. A person took advantage of you and you've been hurt by it all these years. So many in your situation blame themselves or question themselves wondering what the abuser saw in you to think that they could harm you in such a way. I want to tell you that it was him, not you!

Now that you are older, we should expect for those things to be a distant memory, right? Wrong! I have said before that my wife was abused by a family member when she was young and carried the shame with her for years. After she was able to tell me about it, something she wasn't able to do with her own family, we talked to a lovely counselor who helped my wife understand that she was the victim, not the aggressor. Through prayer and counseling...and prayer, my wife was able to let Jesus come in and take all that pain and guilt and shame away.

And JT, He'll do the same thing for you! It doesn't matter if you're 16 or 61, you are a child of God and He loves you as His own flesh and blood. Because of that, He wants you to be a healthy, happy, and loving person. He's there with you, I know it. Do all you can to stop living as a victim! Reach out and let God take it from you. Start living today!

Much love and blessings to you, JT!

[inga]

I have finally begun to realize that most of his behavior was due to his being a classic case of ADHD which no one had ever heard of in the forties and fifties. He was always in trouble. I could make good grades while he could not even get the information -- which he knew in his head! --down on paper to PROVE that he knew it. He never got anything other than an "F"s during his whole school life. But he is the only one in the family who can make money! So while I understand his behavior from a psychological standpoint, it doesn't help me to know how to change my own thinking patterns today. I'm really screwed up, yanno? I can put up a pretty good front but it doesn't really cut it.

Please pray for me? Thanks!

Dear JT, I'm praying for you right now -- that our loving Father will wrap His arms of love around you and let you feel (for you know by intellect) that you are loved, that you are important to Him. God would rather empty heaven of all the angels than let you be lost!

I believe you have taken a step towards healing by writing about your experience. You know that the family member who abused you did so from his own sense of powerlessness and feelings of worthlessness. You were just an easy victim within his circle of influence. That he picked on you had nothing to do with you! If someone else would have been easier to abuse, he would abused that one. You just happened to be there. And, remember, that you did nothing to deserve to be demeaned through rape. And the rape took nothing away from your intrinsic worth. You are still precious to God! You are still beautiful to Him!

That you are "screwed up" in your thinking patterns today is probably a result of the lies implanted in your heart through the abuse. While you intellectually know that you are important, that you are precious to God, you don't feel it. When next you experience those negative emotions, ask the Lord to take you back to the first time you felt those emotions and show you the truth about that event. Ask Jesus to take the lies away from your heart. And don't try to suppress your feelings and thoughts about the matter. They will just try to come through in another way. It's best to face them head-on, in the light. Keep talking to God about this.

May He bless you and keep you and be graciout to you!