When Christians Go Bad....a 3abn Spin-off, why do we allow ourselves to be treated badly... Options

[Clay]

Discussing the 3ABN situation got me to thinking... why do we permit people who claim to be christian mistreat us so? After we see their true colors why do we continue to allow them to mistreat us?

I know we have all been in that situation before, not necessarily at 3ABN, but in other dealings, so what is it in us that allows this treatment, when we would not tolerate it from people who we think are not religious or christian?

[sonshineonme]

Discussing the 3ABN situation got me to thinking... why do we permit people who claim to be christian mistreat us so? After we see their true colors why do we continue to allow them to mistreat us?

I know we have all been in that situation before, not necessarily at 3ABN, but in other dealings, so what is it in us that allows this treatment, when we would not tolerate it from people who we think are not religious or christian?

Two reasons I can think of - and yes, this is from personal experience. I got SQUASHED in SDA community, and when I had the right (legally) to do something about it, what was put in my face was FEAR if I did. So Fear.

The other reason; the idea we were taught (at least I was) that you should "turn the other cheek", "let it go and let God deal with it". That if you somehow stand up for yourself, you will just drag innocent people into it.

I can tell you that since that time, the people involved have not changed. In fact, even worse, the people CLAIMED to have changed, to maneuver themsleves back to their powerful positions, then people found there was no change at all. I can't help thinking maybe I should have taken legal action. You try to think of the people you can protect in the future by doing something now.

To me it's always difficult to know WHAT God would like us to do in these kinds of situations. I wish those things would get "un-muddied" and made clear. Especially if you are very concerned about doing the right thing.

Even though I have been through it, I still find myself unsure on how and when to call things as they are, without feeling I might be ruining God's plan of taking care of it.

[Guest_statrei_*]

Even though I have been through it, I still find myself unsure on how and when to call things as they are, without feeling I might be ruining God's plan of taking care of it.

The Creator's plan (I'd better be a good atheist) of taking care of circumstances was to give us that grey matter with which we can figure out what the next step should be. If he/she did not want us to think we would not have been made with functioning brains.

[sonshineonme]

The Creator's plan (I'd better be a good atheist) of taking care of circumstances was to give us that grey matter with which we can figure out what the next step should be. If he/she did not want us to think we would not have been made with functioning brains.

Funny you should mention brains. That's exactly WHY I was so careful to do the "right" thing. Using my brain, I went beyond just trusting my emotions - when, by the way, in these situations are extremely intense, running crazy with pain of rejection, shock, unbelief and are being minipulated. Exactly why you need help at those times on what to do. Well, when you are ALONE and no one to direct you, or if you only have a few people around and you are not sure of their friendship and true intentions, even then it is hard to know what God would have a person to do. I suppose I couldn't hear Him very well, or I did hear Him very well and did what He wanted of me, I just don't see the instant results - Y E T.

It's always easy to tell someone what they should have done, walk a mile in someones shoes and you will want to give them their shoes back. It would be nice to have the support of Christians at the time to stand with you and make sure things are done. Often, that is not what happens. Maybe that is what God is waiting for us to learn. To shout together when we see wrong being done. Maybe that was one of the reasons for having a group of deciples, instead of only 1 or 2 or 3.

[Clay]

so in essence are you saying that sometimes we get into a mess and then have no idea how to get out of it? And in those times it would be good to have a support system to help us through the rough spots?

I don't think we are ever alone even though we feel that we are... and it is my belief that God uses those times to show us that He is there.... but I could be wrong...

[sonshineonme]

so in essence are you saying that sometimes we get into a mess and then have no idea how to get out of it? And in those times it would be good to have a support system to help us through the rough spots?

I don't think we are ever alone even though we feel that we are... and it is my belief that God uses those times to show us that He is there.... but I could be wrong...

God used that time. He never left me, in spite of some of my thinking that I "must be a horrible person if everyone is treating me this way". God did put ONE pastor (and I knew many and worked with many who all either judged me without any information or talking to me, or they simply neglected and ignored me) in my path at just the right time - He had just brought this pastor to the community. He help me with my thinking as well as the pain I was dealing with because of the "christian" treatment I was going through. This saved me, God saved me.

What I wish would have happend was that if this Christian community had been the Christians they claim to be, my pain would have been much less. Going through a divorce in an SDA community leads to all kinds of surprises. What I found was people made judgments based on NO information. And what information they had was "rumor" mill. I found that people didn't care if it was correct or not. Some based it on how others treated me. So sad, very painful.

[Hersheys99]

so in essence are you saying that sometimes we get into a mess and then have no idea how to get out of it? And in those times it would be good to have a support system to help us through the rough spots?

I don't think we are ever alone even though we feel that we are... and it is my belief that God uses those times to show us that He is there.... but I could be wrong...

That is true that God does use these situations, whether they be of our own making or something that has just happened in our lives, to let us know we aren't alone. BUT sometimes we just need support from others to help ease our burdens, pain, etc. that only human contact can seem to help with. Not that we don't trust God by any means.

You know what is really sad to me is when churches get up & talk in SS or church of being friendly, etc. to their members or guests even but then its only "superficial". I know that you should go to church to hear the message but on the other hand when you leave that church feeling more lonely or just as lonely as when you went & this is time after time there is a problem. So far that I have yet to find a church near me that meets all my needs.

[Guest_statrei_*]

I don't think we are ever alone even though we feel that we are... and it is my belief that God uses those times to show us that He is there.... but I could be wrong...

The God does not "use" anything. He/She is there. It is not his/her fault that we forget that. When we come to our senses it is just that; we came to our senses. We make the Creator sound like an opportunistic manipulator.

This post has been edited by statrei: May 4 2006, 10:13 AM

[Clay]

That is true that God does use these situations, whether they be of our own making or something that has just happened in our lives, to let us know we aren't alone. BUT sometimes we just need support from others to help ease our burdens, pain, etc. that only human contact can seem to help with. Not that we don't trust God by any means.

You know what is really sad to me is when churches get up & talk in SS or church of being friendly, etc. to their members or guests even but then its only "superficial". I know that you should go to church to hear the message but on the other hand when you leave that church feeling more lonely or just as lonely as when you went & this is time after time there is a problem. So far that I have yet to find a church near me that meets all my needs.

why do we expect that of church? Have you ever really found your needs met in church? I choose my friends carefully... they meet the needs that I have, and if I am in trouble I know I can call on them... my friends may or may not go to my church..... so do you think our expectations are unrealistic and that sets us up for problems?

[Guest_statrei_*]

You know what is really sad to me is when churches get up & talk in SS or church of being friendly, etc. to their members or guests even but then its only "superficial". I know that you should go to church to hear the message but on the other hand when you leave that church feeling more lonely or just as lonely as when you went & this is time after time there is a problem.

Wrong. You should go to church for fellowship. You can hear the voice of the God anytime and anywhere.

so do you think our expectations are unrealistic and that sets us up for problems?

It is the idea that the church is a place to find the Creator that is messed up.

[Hersheys99]

why do we expect that of church? Have you ever really found your needs met in church? I choose my friends carefully... they meet the needs that I have, and if I am in trouble I know I can call on them... my friends may or may not go to my church..... so do you think our expectations are unrealistic and that sets us up for problems?

Yes I was in a church like that. It was a really close knit bunch & not just little groups here & there that excluded others. But unfortunately that church is no longer together but it was due to the behind the scenes stuff that was going on with the pastor in charge. It was not a conference church.

It is really hard cause we live in the boonies & its like 25 miles to any towns. My husband is disabled & there are days I literally can't leave him alone because of the meds he is on, etc. Also I have 4 kids under 11 down to 3. To get a break from it all I have to go to town on one of hubby's' good days so he is capable of keeping an eye on the kids (just being awake to help out) but then its just to do my weekly shopping. I only have one real life friend in the area as we moved here 10 years ago & the one friend I have is from the church we were attending. She is busy with her own life & she works so we don't get together very often at all.

So hence the reason I would like to find a church where I can find friends that share some of the same beliefs I do & to have some other adult conversation with. But so far I haven't found that. I have attended the same church off & on for about 2 years & like I said I feel more lonely than before I went & that is sad. SO if they aren't going to offer real fellowship then why go? I can get just as much from my own studying, etc. at home as I can going to church. I haven't been in like 2 months or more this time & not even so much as a card, phone call or anything to see how I'm doing. So makes me wonder when you do go & they say "oh we have missed you" Yea right!!

[Clay]

so then is it really surprising that our church friends are no where to be found when we are being mistreated by "christians?" Even Jesus' disciples scattered when the heat was on....

What makes us stay in those situations though as opposed to saying, enough is enough I am outta here?

[sister]

Beartrap, check your .com email address

Sorry, folks, I am the one that is off topic, please forgive me.

Sister

This post has been edited by sister: May 4 2006, 11:26 AM

[Clay]

Beartrap, check your .com email address

Sorry, folks, I am the one that is off topic, please forgive me.

Sister

thats what PMs are for.... you get a freebie this time...

[beartrap]

Sorry, my fault. the PM box was full.

Ok, back to topic.