This Should Not Be News - Continuation, Letter from Danny Shelton to BSDA Options

[Seraphim7]

You know! People say that as if it is the most honorable way to exit a marriage, but it is not always so.
Priscilla

Come again? What exactly is "the most honorable way to exit a marriage"?

[awesumtenor]

You know! People say that as if it is the most honorable way to exit a marriage, but it is not always so.
Priscilla

Only if the widow/widower had a hand in their spouse's demise... no, not much honor in that at all...

But if the spouse dies from illness or gets hit by a train, struck by lightning, eaten by crocodiles or whatever... their time was just up...not a matter of honorable or dishonorable per se; dead is dead.

In His service,
Mr. J

[princessdi]

Please elaborate, Priscilla. If a spouse dies, then what else is there?

You know! People say that as if it is the most honorable way to exit a marriage, but it is not always so.
Priscilla

[Seraphim7]

Please elaborate, Priscilla. If a spouse dies, then what else is there?

Yanno,

[Prisca]

I think Kevin was close to what I was thinking. The experience of being a widow for all those years taught me a lot about people's reactions and philosophy. Oh, Priscilla you're FREEEE to remarry, they would coo. You're a widow. No one ever asked me if I dun 'im in. No one ever asked me if I was a such a wonderful wife, that the poor man didn't mind dying and wouldn't make a good wife for anyone ever. Are the living spouses dripping in gold? I was baptized in perfection. If my present hubby steps out of line or our marriage has problems, they KNOW it ain't my fault...cause I was a widow! I noticed that when it was mentioned that Danny was a widower, I was wondering exactly what does that prove?

Priscilla

[awesumtenor]

I think Kevin was close to what I was thinking. The experience of being a widow for all those years taught me a lot about people's reactions and philosophy. Oh, Priscilla you're FREEEE to remarry, they would coo. You're a widow. No one ever asked me if I dun 'im in. No one ever asked me if I was a such a wonderful wife, that the poor man didn't mind dying and wouldn't make a good wife for anyone ever. Are the living spouses dripping in gold? I was baptized in perfection. If my present hubby steps out of line or our marriage has problems, they KNOW it ain't my fault...cause I was a widow! I noticed that when it was mentioned that Danny was a widower, I was wondering exactly what does that prove?

Priscilla

It proves nothing because it's not relevant to the mess he currently finds himself in... a mess of his own devising, BTW. He gets no sympathy for being a widower because he is now 2 marriages removed from that experience and the woman he married after his first wife died, he has divorced for what are spurious reasons at best.

I cant speak to how your marriage was to your first husband; I do know that we are rarely either as good or as bad as our publicity or the perceptions and presumptions of others make us out to be... as for the widow/widower being draped in "perfection"... the circumstances under which you became a widow would play a great part in how one is viewed... for example, I know a man whose wife was non compos mentis, bipolar and acutely psychotic... on medication and poorly controlled. She developed breast cancer and in spite of her clear mental defect, she was allowed to decline treatment, waiting instead for "divine healing."

He made no attempt to have her mental competence assessed even though it was clear that her lucidity was lacking and her mental state was at best questionable... nor did anyone in her family but as her husband... as the one tasked before God with loving her as Christ loved the church, IMO his negligence bordered on the criminal...and there is neither 'perfection' nor nobility in his becoming a widower... IMO... the fact that he, like Danny Shelton, had a replacement already lined up and remarried within a few months of his getting out of his marriage ( Danny by divorce and this man by the death of his wife ) says to me that both of them had another agenda all along, an agenda that did not include their respective then current spouses... and that agenda is how one rationalized letting his wife die from his indifference and the other to get rid of his wife by killing her character.

In His service,
Mr. J

In His service,

[Prisca]

That's how I feel, Kevin. It proves nothing, but to the aaaah....faithful. It does. I feel I must be in another world as I listen to the faithful reasoning. After having such a wonderful first marriage, he was unprepared for the terror that awaited him in the second. As for the gentleman you mentioned, I could find an entire jury that would find him 'not guilty' because of so many factors, one of which is that she was out of control and therefore the decision made for her was just.

Priscilla

This post has been edited by Prisca: Mar 31 2006, 05:46 AM

[awesumtenor]

That's how I feel, Kevin. It proves nothing, but to the aaaah....faithful. It does. I feel I must be in another world as I listen to the faithful reasoning. After having such a wonderful first marriage, he was unprepared for the terror that awaited him in the second.

Who says his first marriage was wonderful? Or that his second was a terror? If His marriage to Linda was so horrible, he would not have had to trump up these lame charges of "spiritual adultery" as a basis for divorcing her or work so diligently to make sure that her side of things never saw the light of day.

As for the gentleman you mentioned, I could find an entire jury that would find him 'not guilty' because of so many factors, one of which is that she was out of control and therefore the decision made for her was just.

Priscilla

Nope... remember the vow one takes when he marries... "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..." ... not to mention both the priest and the levite were guilty before God for passing by on the other side...

If I knew my wife had a condition that would be terminal if untreated and I let her go untreated, that is depraved indifference. Parents who have done that with their children have been prosecuted for manslaughter; it should be no different if one is talking about an adult who is not competent to make the decision of whether to be treated rationally. Her mental illness was a known quantity when he asked her to marry him and he married her anyway...

In His service,
Mr. J

[Denny]

I think Kevin was close to what I was thinking. The experience of being a widow for all those years taught me a lot about people's reactions and philosophy. Oh, Priscilla you're FREEEE to remarry, they would coo. You're a widow. No one ever asked me if I dun 'im in. No one ever asked me if I was a such a wonderful wife, that the poor man didn't mind dying and wouldn't make a good wife for anyone ever. Are the living spouses dripping in gold? I was baptized in perfection. If my present hubby steps out of line or our marriage has problems, they KNOW it ain't my fault...cause I was a widow! I noticed that when it was mentioned that Danny was a widower, I was wondering exactly what does that prove?

Priscilla

Are you trying to confess er tell us something?....

[Prisca]

Are you trying to confess er tell us something?....

As you probably know, there is a stage in grief where you actually begin to wonder, what could I have done? was it my fault? Nah. I didn't do 'im in!

Who says his first marriage was wonderful? Or that his second was a terror? If His marriage to Linda was so horrible, he would not have had to trump up these lame charges of "spiritual adultery" as a basis for divorcing her or work so diligently to make sure that her side of things never saw the light of day.
Nope... remember the vow one takes when he marries... "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..." ... not to mention both the priest and the levite were guilty before God for passing by on the other side...

If I knew my wife had a condition that would be terminal if untreated and I let her go untreated, that is depraved indifference. Parents who have done that with their children have been prosecuted for manslaughter; it should be no different if one is talking about an adult who is not competent to make the decision of whether to be treated rationally. Her mental illness was a known quantity when he asked her to marry him and he married her anyway...

In His service,
Mr. J

[Prisca]

Who says his first marriage was wonderful? Or that his second was a terror? If His marriage to Linda was so horrible, he would not have had to trump up these lame charges of "spiritual adultery" as a basis for divorcing her or work so diligently to make sure that her side of things never saw the light of day.
Nope... remember the vow one takes when he marries... "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..." ... not to mention both the priest and the levite were guilty before God for passing by on the other side...

If I knew my wife had a condition that would be terminal if untreated and I let her go untreated, that is depraved indifference. Parents who have done that with their children have been prosecuted for manslaughter; it should be no different if one is talking about an adult who is not competent to make the decision of whether to be treated rationally. Her mental illness was a known quantity when he asked her to marry him and he married her anyway...

In His service,
Mr. J

I hear so many things in this post. One of which is that marriage vows should be taken seriously. However, in this case I can also see a lot of loopholes since I don't know the people. He just may have thought that God had given him a 'way of escape' . The mind can tell us all sorts of comforting things that cause us to act in a certain way. I know of two ladies who declined treatment and died, while their husbands reluctantly respected their wishes. I know of several who took the treatment and died anyway. He may have really wrestled with the decision he made. Her family didn't come to the rescue like the Schiavo case?

A word about the couple in question. I remember when they first showed up on the 'tube' holding hands and thanking God profusely for each other. It was so thick that I would actually avoid that segment at times. He told her she couldn't sing, because she couldn't harmonize. He constantly reminds us that he is uneducated...right up front with his feelings, words, and emotions. She was the 'polished' one of the two. He would tell how she led him to a spiritual awakening on a particular point..or dimension of his character. He liked to make jokes while she would just look quietly.

[PrincessDrRe]

[princessdi]

Move over, Re'! Trade you some popcorn for some fried meaty bits?

[Prisca]

Move over, Re'! Trade you some popcorn for some fried meaty bits?

Ya'll are bad. This is interesting stuff. I didn't have all this in mind when I started, but Kevin got me to thinking. There was a lesbian nurse where I worked at a hospital once. We were very surprised when she married. Several weeks later she was back. The story...the gentleman had a heart condition and during the honeymoon had another heart attack. We never could determine why she drove slowly past several hospitals until he died in the car. Some said she could only think of coming to the hospital where she worked, but others said, but...she was a nurse, she should have known that time rather than hospital loyalty was important. God is judge.

Priscilla

[PrincessDrRe]

Move over, Re'! Trade you some popcorn for some fried meaty bits?

How about grain & meat?

Gimmie a handful of popkern - I'll eat it with my hard-fried meaty bits!